


Brewing Relationships

by Chaildish_Tearrany



Category: Friend Fiction - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Everybody Sluts, Harems, I Hope My Friends Will Still Talk To Me After This, Lemon, Multi, OC, PWP, Red String of Fate, Shameless Smut, Tea, Written Under the Influence of Alcohol Sleep Deprivation or Both, Yaoi, more like the red spider's web of fate, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-01-23 23:47:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaildish_Tearrany/pseuds/Chaildish_Tearrany
Summary: Joe was just some yaoi bishie average guy until he builds a tea drinking harem around himself. THIS is that journey.This fic has been an inside joke for a long time, until one day I finally decided to write it. This lemon contains parodies of people and is not at all representative of them. Publishing so can share new chapters with them, but feel free to enjoy.Literally just trash smut tho.
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: this fic is based off of people i know, all of whom are aware of this story's existence and nature. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

It was another cold night, the wind howled rattling the windows of the well-lit kitchen. 2am had long since passed and yet the kettle boiled once more to fill the two mugs on the counter. Joe lent against the countertop and with a single movement of his arm, dropped a Yorkshire teabag into each waiting vessel. With a rumble and a click, the water was boiled and the dark haired, slim, yet quietly powerful young man got to work preparing the drinks. Once the milk was added and everything was perfect, he turned around mugs in hand to face Ben, who was sat on the edge of the table. With a 'Ja Woll' a mug was passed over. The similarly built Irish boy took a quick sip and smiled at the glorious elixir. 'Do you know what we need?' asked joe,'Custard creams.'

'But all the shops are closed, and, like, are you willing to head out into that storm?' responded Ben immediately. Sweeping his arm to the large, rattling windows. Unfortunately, this action collided with the raising of Joe's brew for another sip, and tea spilt all down his jumper.

A few seconds of silent horror passed in the face of such a calamity. Ben placed his filled mug next to himself on the table, now a stark contrast and saddening reminder next to Joe's empty one. Apologising, he stood up and took a step towards the kettle. 'I can make you another one...'

However, he was cut short by the joking retort 'Spillage is lickage' and the sudden movement, of Joe removing the top, revealing a chiselled six pack delicately embedded in his abdomen. Wordlessly, and with unwavering eye contact, he reached out to Ben's mug and chugged the contents messily, a large portion of it dripping down his chin, onto his chest. The golden brown liquid forming elegant streams towards his waistband. Before adding in the most serious, deadpan tone Ben had ever heard from his friend 'And you'd better not waste a fucking drop'.

Tune in next week for my sparkly bishie versions of flatmates to raw dog fuck on thr kitchen floor.


	2. Chapter 2

As Ben's lips grazed the chiseled marble of Joe's chest, he felt there was something unusual about this situation....something was off.

He made his way around Joe's sparkling pectorals, picking up momentum as he went. The sweet brown liquid filling his throat. Did Joe put sugar in this? He couldn't have. Neither of them drank the blessed elixir in such a disgraceful heathen way, and he would have noticed him t reach for the bag as the bevarage was being prepared.  
Suddenly his progress was interrupted. Damp elastic was impeding the soothing taste of his good bro's skin that he craved so much. This would not do. With a graceful movement, the underwear was removed, along with the scruffy jeans on top.   
Now, as he stared face to face with his destiny, a quiet thought crossed his mind: what would be tell Faith?, how would they explain this to Emily?  
However, just as quickly as these thoughts formed, they were discarded. He had come so far. His face was flush with desire and his actions pure instinct. No more thoughts were allowed to form before he enveloped the entire thing in his mouth.  
From here there was no going back. The desire for the taste of Joe that had accumulated on his journey down had developed into a need as strong as any base survival instinct. Ben's tounge explored every inch of flesh he had managed to gain purchase of within his face cave. Nothing of this could be wasted.

Joe gripped the edge of the table tightly. 'Nya! Ben, be careful! You are more powerful than I ever expected.'   
Removing one white knuckled hand from the table, he placed it's Palm on his friend's forehead to slowly pry his face from his crotch. As soon as he was clear, Joe spun Ben around and bent him over the sink. After a second to ground himself- Joe was going to need as much balance as he could muster if he was going to get this right he thought- he dove into the other boy and started thrusting. He tried to go on as long as possible, but with the intensive work been had already put in, it wasn't long before he could not help but release.

At the moment that both of them climaxed, there was a flash of stillness before blinding golden light. They could feel the shape of each others souls, and as they touched them, they left imprints on each other. A beautiful, phantasmal display of all the times that had shared together in this kitchen revealed it's self to them. Bright indescribable colours and endlessly moving shapes. The concepts of time and distance no longer held any meaning. All they knew was that no matter the distance, a strong cable was reaching out of their chests, connecting them so that they would never be truly alone again.

Sat on either side of the room, the storm still hammering on the sash window, the two of them could feel there had been a change, bit neither had words to say. Ben stood to boil more water to replace the cup he so carelessly squandered. As he touched the kettle he realised what was unusual. That he /always/ prepared the tea. This evening had been the first time Joe had returned the favour. He had so many things to think about.


	3. Chapter 3

Joe got up and left the kitchen. He crossed the hallway stopping infront of the door to Ben’s room, however instead of reaching to push it open he took a sharp turn to go up the stairs. Insted the door that he opened was directly one floor above . As he stepped through a bed was on his left and a kitchenette was on his right. What drew his attention was instead what lay between. A great throne taller than the bookcase behind it, formed out of cusions and pillows and scattered with snacks and pop-vinyls. Atop this mass regally sat a pink haired woman, eating halloumi fries. 

She looked down at the intruder into her room and smirked. “Well..?”

Joe reached insidehis sleeve and retrieved an ornate box, elaborately designed and inset with jewells. He set it down in the kitchen counter. “He was amazing” she raised an eyebrow amusedlly 

“Just becuase I let you start with him, don’t forget who’s top bitch”

Joe laughed and flicked the switch on the kettle before throwing himself backwards onto the bed. “I came back didn’t I? Now make me a brew waman

She climbed down from the comfy throne and did as instructed, collecting 2 mugs and preparing with the mysterious teabags contained within the box. “I will tell you again that this ritual can only work when those who drink the tea both feel a connection and want such a bond to form. You cant join with just anybody” before adding “ so If this doesnt work i’m goning to slap you silly” and slid his mug accross the countertop to him. They both drank deep, maintaining eye-contact as the did.

“Now get over here” Joe demanded “I would tell you to get on your knees, but at your height you’d only be able to lick my shins” and with that, they both shed their outer layers. He picked up his tiny girlfriend by the arse to help her up onto the bed and the two entwined until they could stand no more.

As their joint breathing became more laboured and skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat, a warm glow started in their hearts quickly expanding throughout their bodies. With a scream, they could only see a shining glow and they could see each other more nakked even than they had been on the bed. Stripped not only of their clothes, but of their flesh. Their spectral forms danced around each other before merging together. They then drew apart again, now connected by a red string. Joe’s soul now sported two such threads. Now that the most important ones had been formed, they dreamed of the great spider’s web that could be created.

They both rode out this orgasmic bliss, no longer aware of the solid world of meat they had previously inhabited. They were bubbles of foam atop the great waves forming the tides of the universe. “Emily..” the fizzing spark that was Joe reached out for that which was previously a short pink haired girl. and beyond that even memory dissolved to feeling.

The next morning Joe awoke slumped with his legs dangling over the pillow throne. Emily had somehow ended up half under the bed. He grinned. Whilst nothing could beat Ben, this had been amazing and he couldn’t wait for what the future held in store.


	4. Chapter 4

//AN: I live. The meme is dead, yet I -the biggest meme- live on. My time has been almost consistently, since last update, a fruitless job search with additional spice of apocalypse of idiocy anxiety. And though all that I have now hit the level of disassociation required to pen this mess again. Shout out to the 2.5 people I know who find this worth the brain bleach to come back to five years down the line only to find it expanded. Hail and well met beautiful stranger who stumbled across this garbage fire accidentally. Come hang with me and behold as I step backwards into the void of no longer giving a shit about reading back to see the shrapnel of a sentence autocorrect has left behind//

Joe stepped out of Emilys room to find himself locking eyes with a slender blonde spikey haired man, wearing a steaming mug and a pair of socks. 'morning' Keister greeted casually before adding 'sorry if we disturbed you last night' gesturing to the mess of shiny thongs, leather vests and body glitter strewn over the hallway.   
Joe blinked back, didn't notice a thing I was doing my own stuff'.   
'don't worry about this, I was planning on tydyig up when everyone was done but had to bail early.' Keister picked up and put on a pair of tasseled cowboy over trouser things //((AN: future googling finds these to be named chaps))// and explained ' we kinda spilled out of my room so I guess must have seen the party when he got got home from his date and joined in' gesturing to the pair of shoes neatly placed at the edge of the fishnet bombsite with the stocks tucked carefully in. Both boys shuddered remembering Grape's uncomfortable foul fetish. Neither were much for link shaming, but one must draw a line somewhere. 'naturally as soon as I noticed I had to excuse myself and went to bed'

'Grape was on a date?'  
'He was out of the house, so he was either on a date or at the cinema. Or both?'   
'Never mind that old news, how did you makage to lure..' Joe paused to count' two feather boas, one coarset, seven ripped t-shirts, nine kneehigh socks, two visivests and a military khakis worth of men back to our house?'  
'i got this job see, at black tiger and after my show I headed to the bar to try and pick up a snack but managed to get a buffet ticket. You should come by a shoe sometime- they have a smoke machine and everything!' He scooped up a handful of assorted apparrrel and headed back into his room. 'i have to wash the vodka and cherry sour from my stilettos before tonight's performance, I'll see you around'

Joe went downstairs to the kitchen, passing by Ben's bedroom door at the bottom. He thought about checking in but decided against it when he heard his Irish love quietly moaning 'joe, Joe, Joe' from the otherside. It was difficult to tell if he was asleep or awake, but either way it was clear that even their bref encounter had affected then both and did not need a reprise to flourish. They could take things slowly as they had all the time in the world.

Emma had a Kitchenerte in her room, but there was no way in hell he was making toast in their. He needed a peaceful breakfast to gain energy for the day's activities and it seems all that magic bonding had given him a hangover which he definately didn't want to exaserbate with the over sensative fire alarm, poised to shout at anyone who dared enjoy a warm meal. As he appraisals the room of a nice quiet breakfast he was greeted by the sound of Ludo singing behind the door


End file.
